Forget Me Not
by CeceAsh
Summary: When Santana survives a horrific plane crash, the only thing that matters is that she is okay. But when she wakes up and doesn't remember anything, including her relationship with Rachel, how is one supposed to cope?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story was inspired by a gif set I saw on Tumblr.**

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Friday May 25th, 2012. It was a date that Rachel Berry would never forget. It was the day she wished never happened. She'd been watching the news, like she did every evening to keep up on what was going on in the world, when they were interrupted by breaking news. The first image on the screen was an aerial view on a plane crash. The body of the plane ripped into pieces, and portions still on fire. Rachel leaned forward in her seat as she put one hand over her mouth in shock.

It wasn't long after that, that she'd gotten a frantic call from her girlfriend's Mother. It wasn't just _a_ plane that had crashed, it was _her _plane. When Hiram saw the look on his daughter's face and asked what was wrong, Rachel couldn't respond, only shoving the phone in her Dad's hands as she sprinted to the nearest bathroom to throw up. That was hours ago. Too many that Rachel had lost count. She was sitting in the hospital waiting room in Dayton, with, what seemed like, every resident in Ohio.

They were all there for the same reason she was, to see it their loved ones were alive or dead. Not just the people that were on the plane though, but the people that had the unfortunate luck of have it rip through their neighborhood. There was the constant commotion of doctors rushing around, people scrambling around, asking if they've seen their Mother, Father, brother, sister, cousin, most walking away with no luck. It was bad. Rachel knew it. But like she had all her life, she had hope.

She didn't know when she'd fallen asleep, but when she woke up, it was the middle of the night. The hospital was still hectic, but quieter, most everyone who was waiting had fallen asleep also. Out of the five of them, only Rachel and Santana's Father, Roberto, were awake. Rachel lay in her Daddy's arms while her Dad's head leaned on his other shoulder. Santana's Mother, Maria was in a similar position with her arms wrapped around her husband's waist. Tear marks could still be seen on her face.

Well into the next day, they had seen survivors coming in one at a time. If the doctors recognized the name, they would come into the waiting room and say the name out loud. The families would rejoice and hug each other before going with the doctors. How lucky they were. At least they knew. That was what was eating away at Rachel inside. She just wished she knew if Santana was alive or...dead. If all this waiting and hoping was for a good outcome. She could see her Dads were thinking the worst.

Eventually, Hiram and Leroy decided to get a room at a nearby hotel, that way Rachel would still be close to the hospital if they got any news. After forcing down some food, the three of them fell into their separate beds. Hiram and Leroy were out as soon as their heads hit the pillows, but Rachel had a much harder time. She'd only passed out the previous night from sheer exhaustion, but right now, she couldn't fall asleep not knowing the fate of the girl she'd fallen in love with.

The minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like days as Rachel laid motionless on her hotel bed, staring up at the off-white ceiling. The only thing that was keeping her sane by this point, was immersing herself in memories. The first time she'd ever seen Santana, they date she'd joined Glee Club, the first time she'd truly looked at Rachel, the first time Santana kissed her, their first date, the first time they'd spent the night together, Valentine's Day when they made love for the first time.

It was early Sunday morning when Rachel's cell phone rang. She'd finally given into sleep a few hours earlier, but the ringing next to her ear made her shoot up out of bed in surprise. When she realized it was her phone, her heart seemed to stop as she grabbed it and answered the call as fast as she could, her mind still foggy. It only took three words from the woman on the other line to make Rachel throw on her shoes and race out the door, leaving her Fathers to only follow behind her.

"_They found her."_


	2. Chapter 2

Getting to the hospital took much more time that Rachel would have liked. Things, as to be expected, were still chaotic. The parking lot was packed full and people were constantly coming in and out. Pushing her way through the crowds of people, Rachel eventually found Roberto and Maria. They were sitting right across from the main nurses station, looking hopefully at each doctor that passed them. As soon as Maria saw Rachel coming toward them, she got up and enveloped her in a hug.

"Where is she? How is she? When can we see her?" Rachel sputtered out as she pulled back from the hug to look her in the eyes.

"We don't know much at the moment. They called her name a little bit ago and we talked to the doctor for a brief moment. He really only said that she was brought in here alive, but really beat up." Maria answered.

"He said we should know soon." Roberto added.

It was then that Rachel broke down for the first time since she'd heard the news. She'd made herself be strong, but now that she knew Santana was in the same building as her, alive, there was no strength in her to keep from falling apart. Turning around, she cried tears of relief into her Daddy's chest. He kissed her head and rocked her back and forth while her Dad rubbed her back as they huddled together in the small space that they occupied. Eventually Rachel stopped sobbing and prayed silently.

"Mr. and Mrs. Lopez?" A male voice come from behind them. "I'm doctor Holt, I've been treating your daughter."

Is Santana all right?" Roberto asked, all of them turning towards the doctor.

"She's stable." He reassured. "When she was brought in, she was battered and bleeding out. We had to get her an MRI scan to see if there was any internal bleeding. Thankfully there was none, however, there was swelling in her brain, so we had to put her in a medically induced coma so her brain can recover."

"But, she'll come out of it eventually, right?" Maria asked, worried.

"Yes, we can bring her out of it when we determine that she has recovered enough. As for an approximate amount of time...at least six weeks."

Roberto sighed. "Is there anything else you can tell us?"

"Yes. Santana has a broken left arm and facial lacerations on her left cheek, as well as some other cuts, scrapes, and bruises over her body. We've already set her arm in a cast and bandaged her up."

"So, there will be scarring?" Maria asked quietly.

"They stitched her face up very well and if it is treated as it should be, applying the proper creams daily, it will reduce the amount of scarring in the end." He explained. "Santana is extremely lucky to only come out of this horrible accident with as little damage as she has."

"We understand." Roberto nodded. "Thank you for all that you've done."

"Just doing my job." He said as he shook Roberto's hand.

"When can we see her?" Rachel spoke up for the first time.

"Right now, if you like."

Rachel's heart pounded as they weaved through the busy hospital hallways, following the the Lopez's that were following Dr. Holt. They finally stopped at the very end of the hall and entered a room. It was large and held three people, separated by thin, blue curtains, giving each of them privacy, Santana being in the last slot nearest to the window. Hiram and Leroy didn't want to crowd the room, so they decided on waiting out in the hall while Dr. Holt, Maria, Roberto, and Rachel went in.

At the first sight of their daughter, the Lopez's rushed over to the bed, Maria immediately grabbing Santana's hand in hers, as if she needed it to ground herself, while Roberto gently pushed her black hair back away from her face and kissed her on her forehead. Rachel stayed back, giving the family some room as she stared at her girlfriend's beaten, motionless body. Tubes were connected into her bruised arms, a bandage covered the majority of the left side of her face, but she was still Santana.

Never in her life had Rachel thought she'd have to go through this. It's not something that most people even think about, at least not when they're so young. As people get older, sure they start thinking about what they would do if their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives should die before them, and they make plans for it. But not when you're eighteen. The biggest thing on Rachel's mind during this time, up until Friday, had been 'what if she didn't get into NYADA'.

Now that seems so unimportant. All that mattered to her right this second, was laying in a bed just a few feet in front of her. She loved Santana more than anything. More than her lifelong dream of moving to New York and becoming a Broadway star. Without Santana by her side, it wouldn't mean as much to her. A career was a career, but what was life without the girl she'd fallen for and wanted to spend the rest of her life with? She would be alive, but not truly living.

Rachel regretted not telling Santana how much she meant to her, how much she loved her. She wanted to, countless times. On Valentine's Day before they made love, a month ago when Santana had gotten the letter from NYU stating that's she'd gotten into the college, on the day in the airport, right before she's gotten on that plane. So many missed opportunities, the only thing stopping her was fear. Fear that it was too soon to say such things. The last thing she wanted to do was scare Santana off.

But what if Santana _had _died? Rachel would have never gotten the chance to admit how she had felt for so long. This felt like a second chance. To finally let her fears go and let the girl know how much she really meant to her. Not many people get second chances like this one. And Rachel hoped that Roberto and Maria would take this opportunity as well, them never being around much for Santana because of how much they had immersed themselves in their jobs.

"If you have any other questions, just go down to the nurses station, they can probably answer it. If not, they'll page me and I will come when I'm able to." Dr. Holt said.

Rachel had forgotten he'd even been standing there with them. After Roberto nodded and thanked him again, he left the room, leaving the three of them with Santana. Then, Rachel slowly made her way to the right side of her girlfriend's bed. Never had she seen anyone so...broken. Looking down, she carefully took Santana's casted hand in hers, grazing her fingers over the purple skin. She almost laughed at the thought of if Santana were awake, she'd throw a fit about having a pink cast stuck on her arm.

It would probably be gone by the time they brought her out of the coma though. It would definitely be something to see, Santana being Santana. Rachel imagined what her first words would be when she woke up. She'd bet money that she'd complain about not being greeted with Breadstix, or something about her being tough enough to survive because she was from Lima Heights. Rachel sighed to herself as the ache in her heart grew bigger. This was going to be a long six weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

As the weeks went by as fast as they could possibly go, which was really very sluggish, Rachel spent most of her days at the hospital. By this time, Santana had been transported back to Lima, so she could come and go as she pleased. She took over the day shift while Santana's parents had to go back to work, and in the evening they would come and spend a few hours with her. Every once in a while when Hiram and Leroy were free, they would join Rachel. Santana was never alone, and that made Rachel feel better.

She passed the time by reading to the unconscious girl, whether it be the newspaper or one of Santana's books that she'd read a million times. Every once in a while when she couldn't find the energy to commit to busying herself, she'd close Santana's hospital room door, crawl in bed with her, and sing to her. Dr. Holt had said that coma patients can hear when you talk to them. Rachel didn't know if he was just saying that, or if it was actual fact, but she did it anyway, hoping Santana could hear her.

More recently Rachel had just been laying in bed with her arm around her wait and head resting on her chest in silence, aside from the constant beeping of Santana's heart monitor and the continuous noise that comes with being in a hospital. Santana had improved so much over the course of the few weeks. Her arm was healing properly, and the laceration on her face, even though it looked horrible, Dr. Holt said that it was coming along nicer than most did, and that they shouldn't worry.

Rachel had only seen it once when the nurse was changing the bandage. The red, puffy, stitched skin made Rachel's stomach turn, hating to see her girlfriend like that, she made sure to look away when the nurse came in for daily bandage changes. She wondered how Santana was going to take seeing it. She'd always been proud of how she looked, and used her attractiveness to her advantage anytime the opportunity came. Rachel really hoped it'd heal as well as D. Holt said it would.

By the time the sixth week finally came around, Dr. Holt had told all of them that since Santana had recovered so nicely, they wouldn't have to keep her in the medically induced coma any longer. Everyone was ecstatic about the news, wanting to see those dark brown eyes again for the first time in over a month. The nurse had injected Santana with the drug to bring her out of the coma at around noon, so she'd probably wake up around six in the evening. That way, everyone could be there.

Roberto, Maria, Rachel, Leroy, and Hiram were all there and waiting by four o'clock. They all had taken off from work early, just in case. At first they all mostly just stared at Santana, like that would make her wake up any sooner, but finally when they realized the time would go by faster it they all were occupied, conversations started up about the most random things. Eventually the subject of college came up, and Rachel informed the Lopez's that she'd received her NYADA letter, but wanted to open it with Santana.

Hiram and Leroy had gone along with their daughter's wishes to wait, understanding, but also keeping in mind that they needed to know whether to start getting Rachel's things in order for New York soon. They were relieved that they wouldn't have to wait too much longer. One can only take the suspense for so long. Roberto and Maria had a similar issue. Santana's college letters had all come in the mail, but they weren't going to open them, waiting until their daughter could herself.

Santana had planned to attend NYU, that way she'd be in New York with Rachel, who would obviously get into NYADA. They wanted to get a small, one bedroom apartment to share, if they could find a cheap enough one. If it came down to it, they wouldn't have been opposed to a two bedroom and looking for a roommate to help with the expenses. Either way, they were just happy that they would finally be getting out of Lima and starting their lives.

Dr. Holt came into Santana's room at five thirty on the dot to talk with everyone and prepare them for when she wakes up.

"She will be very fatigued when she wakes up. You can talk to her for a few minutes, but then she needs to get her rest." He instructed. "There's also a chance it could be a long-term problem. It's common in coma patients due to head injuries. I can't say for sure yet."

After a few more questions asked by Roberto, Dr. Holt left them, but they didn't have to wait long before there were signs of Santana waking up. First, her breathing changed, then her limbs would move, next was her facial expressions, then a dry groan. Maria then filled a small cup with come water that was sitting on a tray, getting it ready. It was then that Santana Lopez opened her eyes. The light over her head shone a bit bright, so she winced, closing them again before she heard her parents voices.

"Tana?" Maria coaxed.

"Hm?" Her daughter responded.

"Here, drink." She said as she put the cup to Santana's lips.

She drank the water in two gulps and craved more. Her mouth felt like the Sahara for some reason. Maria refilled the cup a few more times before she set it aside and cupped Santana's good cheek.

"Open your eyes, Mija." Roberto joined in.

She did as her Father said, opening her eyes, slower this time, letting her eyes adjust to the light. Everything was blurry for a few moments as she tried to see where the Hell she was. When her vision finally focused, she lifted her eyes to her parents, wondering why they were hovering over her with smiles on their faces. She would have been creeped out if she wasn't so fuzzy in the head. She went to rub her eyes, when she noticed one arm was heavier than the other. Looking down she frowned.

"What the fuck is this pink thing doing on me?" She muttered, making them giggle.

It was so hard for Rachel to keep her distance, wanting to give the Lopez's the time with their daughter, yet wanting so badly to fall into her girlfriend's arms.

"Tana, what's the last thing you remember?" Maria asked.

Santana opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. What was the last thing she remembered? For some reason, her mind was blank. Memories from years back came to the forefront, but nothing from recent past. It was like someone erased it...

"I don't know." She answered honestly.

Roberto and Maria exchanged worried looks.

"Where am I?" Santana asked.

"Honey," Maria started slowly. "You're in the hospital."

Their daughter frowned, then looked at her casted arm again. "Did I fall out of Britts' tree trying to get Lord Tubbington again? Damn cat."

"No, Mija. You...I...I'm not quite sure how to tell you." Maria finished, looking around the room for help.

Rachel stepped forward then, taking her chance. "Santana," She said softly, taking the raven-haired girl's hand. "You were in a plane accident. It was pretty bad. They had to put you in a medically induced coma for a while, but the Doctor said you're going to be okay."

Again, it only took three words to change her life.

"_Who are you?_"


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel lay in a ball on her bed, tears running down her face. She could hear the faint voices of her Fathers downstairs, probably debating on whether to come up to her room or stay away and give her space. She hoped they'd stay downstairs, wanting some time to herself. Today was supposed to be a happy one, where Santana woke up and everything would have been okay again. But it had been just the opposite. Her girlfriend of over a year didn't even know who she was.

"_Who are you?"_

_Rachel frowned as Santana pulled her hand away and gripped the hospital sheets instead._

"_Honey, that's Rachel." Maria said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_The name 'Rachel' didn't ring a bell in Santana's mind, and she could see that the chocolate-eyed girl was hurt at her lack of recognition. _

"_You don't remember me?" Rachel asked, already knowing the answer._

_Seeing tears start to appear in the girl's eyes, Santana wished that she could remember who Rachel was to her. But she couldn't. Shaking her head at Rachel, she nodded them turned and left abruptly, not before Santana saw a tear escape from her eye. Hiram and Leroy followed their daughter out into the hall where she walked as far as she could before surrendering to her emotions, letting herself sob into her Dad's chest. Why was this happening?_

_As Hiram was taking care of Rachel, Leroy went to the nurse's station and asked for them to page Dr. Holt. He was there within ten minutes and he was informed that Santana was missing memories and didn't know who Rachel was. Memory loss wasn't uncommon for head injury patients and he informed them that it could go either way. Santana could remember everything in a matter of weeks or months, or she could never regain them. There was no way to know._

Rachel had left the hospital without a goodbye to Santana or her parents. It hurt too much, and it wouldn't matter to Santana whether or not she did it. Leroy had told Hiram and Rachel what Dr. Holt said on the drive home, but that didn't change Rachel's mood. It was too much for her to handle. After waiting so long, only to be rejected...it wasn't right. It's now how things were supposed to be. Rachel wondered what possible thing she could have done for Karma to come and fuck her over.

Santana wasn't doing much better, though she put up a good facade. After she'd slept for a few hours, she was woken up by the nurses as they poked and prodded. Tests were done, scans were taken, and she answered Dr. Holt's questions to the best of her abilities. They determined about the time when her memory went blank. The last thing she remembered was getting out of the car and running to the soccer field for practice. Santana hadn't played soccer since she was in seventh grade.

"_Her intelligence level is the same, it's just memories that she's lost." _He had said.

To be honest, Santana was a bit more worried about the fucking huge line of stitches across her cheek. Even though Dr. Holt had complete confidence that her scarring wouldn't be that noticeable in the end, she couldn't help but ask 'what if'. Santana had relied on her looks all her life. She didn't know about high school, but she was pretty sure if helped her get what she wanted then too. From the little information she'd gotten out of her Mother, she'd been a Cheerleader all four years of high school.

She still didn't know who Rachel was, and it was eating at her. Her Mother and Father thought it would be best if they not tell her much yet, hoping that she would start to remember on her own. It annoyed Santana, but there was really nothing that she could do about it. All she wanted now was to get out of the damn hospital and go home to her bed because the one here was uncomfortable and made her back hurt.

The next day, Santana got her arm cast taken off, which she was more than happy about to get that damn thing off. That arm was a little skinnier than her other one, and it was weaker, which was annoying when it came to trying to pick stuff up. Thankfully it wasn't her dominant hand, that would have just been a disaster. Dr. Holt promised that after all her test results and scans came back fine, that she would be discharged, and Maria and Roberto couldn't have been happier.

Rachel hadn't come out of her room since she collapsed on the bed in tears the previous day, only getting up to use the bathroom, and even that felt like such a chore. Her Fathers tried to coax her out with her favorite foods, but nothing worked. They'd gotten a call a few hours after they had left the hospital from Roberto, repeating what the doctor had told them. Hiram had gone up to Rachel's room and delivered the news, but she didn't even react that he could tell, so he left her in peace.

She'd heard everything her Father had said, but it still didn't change the fact that Rachel was now a stranger to Santana. There wasn't anything she could do about it except pray. Though over the years, praying that she'd stop getting bullied never helped, so she didn't have much hope that it would now, but at least she was doing something. That night, Rachel fell asleep on the covers, head buried in her pillow, praying that one day her Santana would return to her.

Back at the hospital, Santana laid on her side, facing the blank white wall, lost in her thoughts. Her parents had left her for the night, promising to be back tomorrow as soon as they could. Even if she wanted to sleep, she couldn't. Too many things were spiraling around in her head. She'd flipped through many news until she finally had come upon a segment about the plane crash. Looking at the footage of the wreckage affected her greatly. A few moments flashed in her mind before she had to turn it off.

The sound of the pilot coming over the speakers announcing that there was a problem. The breathing masks dropping from their compartments and swinging in the air as the plane violently shook. The screaming of the passengers when they realized that they were going down. The momentary weightlessness in her seat as the plane dropped rapidly in the air. The complete silence after everything was finally still. The images that she remembered would, no doubt, stick with her forever.


	5. Chapter 5

Santana swung her legs that dangled over the side of the bed as she waited to be discharged from the hospital. All of her tests and scans came back positive and they had her ready for release in no time. She was more than relieved to finally be going home. She was so tired, all she wanted to do was go bury herself in her covers and hibernate. Ever since she remembered a few flashes of the plane crash, sleep evaded her, but now she was running on empty and more than ready to crash.

Brittany had come by in the morning for the first time since she had woken. Of course, since Santana had had met Britt right before they started high school, she remembered her. Though actually seeing how much Brittany had changed since her last memory of her made things really sink in. The blonde had given her a soft but firm embrace, being as careful with her best as she could possibly be, while she cried into her shoulder. Santana hugged her back with all her might, letting silent tears fall as well.

Brittany now sat beside her, both of her pale hands encasing Santana's left one in warmth. Her best friend had always been very affectionate with her, and even though Santana wasn't a very touchy person, Brittany made her crave it. Roberto and Maria had started off as very loving parents. Always kissing or hugging. Then when they lost her younger brother to cancer, all of that stopped. They dove into their work to hide from the reality of not having two children anymore.

Santana was seemingly forgotten. She was left to her own devices at home most of the time, only seeing her parents when they came home or left, separately, in brief moments. Never even seeing them talk to each other, all she knew was that they slept in different bedrooms, barely, if ever, talked to one another, and never really checked on her to see how she was doing. They weren't the only ones hurt by the loss of Antonio. Tony had been Santana's little buddy, and she missed him more than anything.

Maybe Santana's accident finally woke Roberto and Maria out of their daze, knocking their blinders off and making them see that they still had a child that was alive, that could be taken away like Tony. She could have easily been killed in the plane crash, if she had been just one seat to her left, or had not been wearing her seat belt. Then what would they have done? Santana seemed to be the only thing that held them together all these years, the glue. Whether they knew it or not.

She sensed that if Tony had been their only child, they would have divorced long ago and gone their separate ways. They were stuck though. Either being from not wanting to acknowledge that it happened, or just not wanting to move on, they had needed to try, and not let the darkness linger over them any longer. Ever since she had woken up, they'd been by her side as much as they could. Her Father had held her hand while her Mother had been petting her hair in the way she used to.

It was like a dream. They were her parents again that she'd known from long ago. Thought it really shouldn't have taken a disaster such as this to bring this back out in them, Santana was still thankful. She didn't feel so alone anymore. Bringing her out of her thoughts, Maria came back into the room Santana had been living in for what seemed like forever, and smiled at her daughter as she announced that she was officially discharged and free to go home with them.

Standing up, Santana's legs wobbled as she took the first few steps, still being a bit weak from being in a long coma. Brittany stabilized her and held onto her all the way to the car. Throughout the ride, Maria babbled about this and that, but Santana really didn't hear much of what she was saying. She was too exhausted to focus on much. That is, until they pulled into a foreign driveway and a pretty upscale neighborhood. The tan house they were in front of looked so big, the shadow cast all down the drive.

"I thought we were going home, Mami?" Santana frowned.

Maria turned around in her seat for a moment to give her daughter a look. "We are home, Mija."

Santana realized this was another gap in her memory.

"Oh, we moved." She said quietly.

"Yes, a few years ago. It's closer to the high school."

"And my house." Brittany chimed in.

As they got out, Santana followed her Mother, since she had no idea where anything was in this house. Brittany knew though, and dragged her up the stairs to her room on the second floor. It wasn't exactly like her old room. Here, her walls were a smokey black, with a dark bedspread to match and zebra print pillows. Multiple posters hung on her walls. Over the bed, was one of Bob Marley. A green, yellow, and red lamp with black tassels hanging from it was on the bedside table to match it.

Brittany guided her to the bed and pulled back the covers before Santana climbed on and flopped face down into one of the pillows. The blonde shook her head at her friend and lifted her legs up one by one to take her shoes off. Santana was already starting to doze off when she felt Brittany get in the bed next to her and pull the covers up to their necks. A few seconds later she felt an arm wrap around her midsection and rest on her stomach. With the blonde's breath at the back of her neck, she was lulled to sleep in just moments.

Rachel still hadn't changed much from the day she came home. Still, she didn't leave the bed unless it was to use the bathroom or take a quick shower. Hiram and Leroy brought her food up, and even though she would initially refuse, but they would leave it on a tray and she would eventually give in and have some. She knew she needed to sustain herself somehow, although, what was the point? She was being pathetic, and she knew it. But how was she supposed to cope?

Her Fathers were getting increasingly worried as each day went by. They tried to encourage her to call Maria and see if she could go and see Santana, but she just could not bring herself to even pick up her cell phone. Since Santana didn't know who she was, Rachel thought she would be more inclined to not want to see her. Not wanting to risk the rejection that seemed eminent. She had no idea what Maria and Roberto had told Santana yet, and she had no idea how the other girl would react to finding out who she was to her.

Would she revert back to the old Santana, where she was so angry and in denial? The Santana that didn't want to be gay? The Santana that could barely stand Rachel? She hoped with everything in her that she wouldn't have to go through all of that again. It was a painful road they'd taken to get where they ended up and she'd really rather no repeat it. Rachel just wanted her Santana back. And if she decided that she wanted to see her, then that's what Rachel would do.


	6. Chapter 6

When she opened her eyes, it took a few moments for Santana to realize where she was. In her room of the house she didn't remember. It wasn't much better than the hospital in that way, just less beeping and no nurses bugging her. Stretching her limbs, her right foot popped out from under the covers and tingled when the cool air hit her toes. After rubbing her eyes, she searched for Brittany, but the blonde was nowhere to be seen. Santana didn't know whether she was disappointed about it or not.

She was grateful Brittany had been with her yesterday, but she needed some time to herself to get her bearings. Sitting up slightly, she peeked over the bunched up covers and looked over to her nightstand. The alarm clock read two in the afternoon. She wasn't surprised that she'd slept pretty much a whole twenty-four hours, since she was so drained when she'd finally made it to her bed. Letting her head flop back on the pillow, her gaze shifted slightly to the picture behind the clock.

Groaning as a few bones in her body popped, she reached over and grabbed the picture. Laying down on her back again, she rested the frame on her stomach and stared at the picture of herself and the girl known as Rachel. They both looked so happy, smiles spread across their faces, eyes squinted because they were so big. Santana was behind Rachel, with her hands wrapped around her body tightly with half her face buried in her lustrous brown hair that shined in the sunlight.

No wonder Rachel had gotten upset, it looked like they had been very close. Santana was a little confused by it. The only person she'd ever been close to like that was Britt, the only person that she ever let her guard down around. But in the picture, there is no guard to be found, and that scared her. Someone that obviously knew her well, but Santana knew nothing about her anymore. She didn't like that. It felt like someone had information and was just waiting for the perfect time to blackmail her.

Though this was an irrational thought, and she very well knew that. Sighing, she put the picture back on the nightstand and rolled out of bed, walking to the bathroom stiffly. After relieving herself, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror as she washed her hands. She'd forgotten about the bandage that was covering half of her face, realizing that she should probably apply some cream Dr. Holt prescribed to her. Peeling the cloth off sucked, the table pulling at her sore skin.

She hadn't seen the laceration before, because frankly, she was scared to see what she looked like. But now, curiosity got the better of her. The skin was pink and irritated looking, probably because she'd been sleeping on it so long. The stitches, by this point, had pretty much dissolved, so it didn't look as bad as her Mother described when they'd been in there when she was in the coma. Gently applying the clear gel to her face, she put another bandage on and started the shower.

After a long, hot shower that she used to cleanse her body and mind, she left her room and ventured into the unfamiliar house. Her room was right by the stairs, so she walked down them, gripping the cold, black metal railing. Once she was back on the first floor, she made her way past the living room area and down a short hall that led into the dining room and kitchen, her bare feet padding across the hard tile. In the kitchen was her Mother, who was currently cutting a sandwich in half.

"There you are." Maria said when she saw her daughter emerge from the hall. "I was about to come and wake you up. You need to eat, get your strength back. Sit." She ordered, pointing to the dining room table.

Doing what her Mother said, she pulled out a wooden chair and sat down. The TV on the counter was on, playing one of the many Spanish soaps that Maria used to watch. Santana never had liked them, she always had enough drama in her life, and she didn't need to watch any more. At least they were laughable. Especially right now, two of the characters were fighting, which looked so choreographed, and then pushed the other down the stairs while dramatic music played in the background.

Santana resisted the urge to roll her eyes, knowing they would hurt from still being a bit tired, even after her long slumber. A few moment later, Maria appeared at her side, placing a plate with a chicken sandwich, chips, and potato salad in front of her. She hadn't realized how hungry she was until this moment when her stomach growled long and loud. Without further hesitation, she picked up half of the sandwich and took a large bite. It was glorious. Her first time have real food since she woke up.

"Where'd Britt go?" Santana asked when she swallowed.

Maria appeared again, this time setting a glass of ice water on the table. "She has summer school."

"Wait, what? Why?"

"She didn't graduate, Mija."

Santana couldn't believe this...how could this have happened? If Brittany had told her that she wasn't going to graduate, Santana would have helped her in a heartbeat, doing whatever she could for her best friend.

"I know what you're thinking, and there was nothing you could have done, Tana. She didn't tell _anyone _that she was failing until the very last minute." Maria informed her. "Keep eating."

Still, why would B do that? She knew the girl wasn't the smartest about some things, but she never thought she was dumb enough not to ask for help, especially when she really needed it. This was just getting to all be a bit too much for Santana. Things just seem to keep piling up of things that she worries about, and she only has so much brain capacity. Muttering to her Mother that she was going to finish eating upstairs, she grabbed her plated and padded back through the first floor and up the stairs.

Rachel woke to her covers being pulled off of her and the light from the window blinded her momentarily. Grunting, she turned over and buried her head under a pillow. All too soon, that was pulled away as well, and she could a little poof as it was discarded onto the floor at the foot of the bed. She didn't ever have to look to see that it was Leroy. He was always the more aggressive of her two Fathers, taking things into his own hands when Hiram would rather let things play out.

"Baby Girl, I've sat by and watched you suffer for too long now. You need to stop locking yourself away in your room and come out." He said, trying to flip her over so he could look her in the eyes.

"What's the point? My whole world has fallen apart." She said dramatically.

"Rach, it may seem that way, but it really hasn't." Finally turning her over and sitting next to her on the bed, he continued. "Yes, I know that this whole ordeal with Santana has been a extremely scary and stressful road, but you get what you give. Right now, you're giving nothing, which means you're getting nothing. Moping in your room isn't going to bring Santana's memory back. Have you even thought how upsetting this must be for her? She's lost years of memories, and not just ones of you."

Rachel _had_ thought of that...just not much because she was so focused on herself. She knew she was a selfish person, she always had been, but her Father was right. Santana had lost so much more than just her, but what could she do about that?

"I think you should call Maria, ask about seeing Santana, and see where it goes. Who knows, maybe something you say could jog a memory. You never know until you try, and you aren't trying by sleeping all day and not coming out of your room."

Leroy patted Rachel's arm, then got up and left her room, closing the door quietly behind him. He had always had a way of making him point and making her feel so guilty in the process. She needed it though, and she was thankful that her Fathers were so different from one another, because if they were both like Hiram, who knows how much longer it would have taken her to convince herself of everything that he's said within a few minutes. Getting out of bed, she showered and changed her clothes, ready to make a change.


	7. Chapter 7

Santana cast her lunch aside after a few more bites, taking the time to find Brittany's name in her phone and send her a text asking exactly why she didn't tell anyone that she had needed help with her schoolwork. As she waited for a reply, she paced back and forth at the foot of her bed huffing and puffing, every once in a while, muttering a curse word in Spanish until she seemed to calm down when she realized she wasn't going to get a reply for a while since Brittany was probably still in school.

Flopping in her black Papasan chair, she really didn't know what to do with herself. What were you supposed to do when you couldn't remember half of your life? She felt like punching something, but instead, settled for putting her feet up on the matching footrest angrily. However, she cursed again when something hark poked her ankle. Curious, she leaned forward and lifted the soft padding and found a leather-bound book. Opening it, she realized it was a journal written in her handwriting.

* * *

_Sunday August 2, 2009_

_So my therapist is making me start a journal to write down my feelings. Apparently I have a hard time expressing anything other than anger. Whatever. This is bullshit._

* * *

_Monday August 3, 2009_

_Mami says she won't take my to Breadstix until she sees me write in my journal, so here I am. I don't know how to really do this, so I'm just gonna write down what happened today. _

_It was the first day of High School. Overall it was boring. Tried out for Cheerleading even though I know I'll make it with ease. Coach Sylvester trained me over the summer and pretty much guaranteed me a spot on the team. First day of practice starts tomorrow and I can't wait. Beats sitting at home alone for hours._

_Therapy is still bullshit. If anything it makes me angrier._

* * *

_Tuesday August 4, 2009_

_Try-out were this morning. I rocked it, as usual. The results were posted after school. I'm on the team, no surprise there. There are a bunch of other Freshman that think they're all that, Coach will put them in their place. The girl that I met over the summer are on the team too. Quinn's a lot like me, which means we can barely stand each other most of the time. Her and Britts get along though, so I try._

* * *

_Wednesday Thursday 5, 2009_

_Cheerleading practice was a bitch. It hurts to even write. Fuck this shit._

* * *

_Thursday August 6, 2009_

_Coach wants us to start dating guys that will raise our popularity statuses since we're underclassmen. A lot of guys have already asked me out, I mean, who wouldn't? But none interest me. I'll have to suck it up and just do it before Coach jumps down my throat. _

* * *

_Friday August 7, 2009_

_One of the football players asked me out today. I said I'd think about it. I'll tell him yes on Monday, just to keep him waiting over the weekend. It's not like I'm desperate or anything. Snix don't need no man._

_Therapy today. I'm surprised that the Doc hasn't asked to see my entries. Not like there is much to read. She'd probably be irritated and say I'm barely trying, but I can't help it. I'm not a feeling person, it's just who I am._

* * *

_Monday August 9, 2009_

_Forgot to write the past two days, oh well. I'm dating Noah Puckerman now, but all he wants to do is get in my pants. He's already getting frustrated, which is frustrating me, but Coach will be pissed at me if I loose him only after a few days. I'm thinking about just getting it over with and sleeping with him. It's gotta happen sometime, who says it has to be special?_

* * *

_Tuesday August 10, 2009_

_I've decided, It's going to happen tonight. Brittany told me that I should wait, believing that your first time should be special. She told me about her first time, which was this summer, and how a guy had just come into her tent like "an alien invasion". I was so pissed, wanting to find that fucker, but she doesn't even know who it was. I'm staying after school to use the weight room punching bag._

* * *

_Wednesday August 11, 2009_

_I asked Doc why she doesn't ask to see my journal. She said as long as I'm writing in it, that's all she needs to know, and that one day if I ever feel comfortable enough, I can let her read it. She'd be pretty fucking bored._

_Anyway, onto what I'm here to write about. Last night was...I don't even know. We did it. I'm sore, which is gonna bite me in the ass come this afternoon for cheerleading practice. Puck seems happy though. I just hope he doesn't think I'm going to give it up whenever he wants it now._

* * *

_Thursday August 12, 2009_

_The whole school already knows that Puck and I hooked up. At first I was mad, but it's actually made me one of the most popular girls now. But guys are lining up thinking I'll sleep with them too. It's annoying._

* * *

_Friday August 13, 2009_

_Today was the first day I saw someone throw a slushie on one of the small Freshman. From what I saw, she didn't do anything to deserve it. They surprised her with it when she turned the corner, and she stood in shock for a few moments. I turned and walked away after that, so I don't know what happened then._

_Puck is having a party tonight and all the popular kids are going, which means I'm going. Is it weird that I'm not even the least bit excited? Maybe the alcohol will make things more bearable._

* * *

_Saturday August 14, 2009_

_Hangovers are a BITCH. Fuck. My. Life._

_Okay, now that I'm sober, Puck and I did it again last night. In his parents bedroom. He really got off on that. I was still a little sore from Wednesday, so it didn't feel that good. He refused to put on a condom this time, so I had to rummage around in his Mom's bathroom to find a morning after pill, just in case. Everyone knows we did it again. As soon as he left the bedroom, he announced it. It was embarrassing, but I held my head high and showed no weakness._

* * *

_Sunday August 15, 2009_

_Slept in today. Feeling better, but not much. Still sore. Not looking forward to school tomorrow. I'm going back to sleep._

* * *

_Monday August 16, 2009_

_Coach was particularly hard on us today. Most of us threw up at least once. I'm starting to rethink this cheerleading thing, but if I quit, I'll be a loser. Losers don't fair well at McKinley. I see the football team and the cheerleading captain delve out slushies each day now. Throwing them in their faces and laughing as they hold back tears and rush to the nearest bathroom. It sickens me. But I know one day I'll be the one doing the throwing._

* * *

Santana took a breath as she looked up from the journal that she'd written in four years ago. It was hard to believe that she was the same person that wrote all these things down. Hoping she'd see a change in herself, she started to skip some entries and read the ones that just popped out at her. She'd go back later and read it all.

* * *

_Friday December 25, 2009_

_Spent all day at Abuela's house. Mami and Dad were a no-show, like every year. I'm really getting tired of this shit. Gonna call Britt in a bit, see what she's doing._

* * *

_Friday January 1, 2010_

_Brittany kissed me at midnight at Puck's New Years party. It was the first time I actually enjoyed a kiss. She was soft and warm, not forcing her tongue down my throat like all the guys I've kissed before. Some of the jocks saw and thought it was hot. Right after I made out with Puck because I didn't want them thinking I was...you know. Brittany looked disappointed. I hate seeing her look at me like that._

* * *

_Saturday January 2, 2010_

_Yesterday I let it slip to my therapist that Brittany and I kissed, which made her ask a bunch of questions. I finally just walked about thirty minutes early. I couldn't handle the fucking third degree. So glad that there is a Doctor/Patient confidentiality agreement. The last thing my parents need to know is that I kissed a girl. I can't slip up like that again._

* * *

_Wednesday January 13, 2010_

_Brittz finally confronted me about New Years. I didn't want to talk about it. I told her it was a big mistake and that it couldn't happen again. No matter what anyone thinks, B isn't dumb. She knows that I liked it. But I can't. I just...I can't._

* * *

_Friday January 15, 2010_

_Doc keeps asking questions about what I let slip on Monday and why I stormed out before our session was over. Why can't she just leave it alone? I finally yelled at her and told her to mind her fucking business. I ran away again. I'm sure when Mami hears about it, she'll be pissed. Not like she will do much though, she never does._

* * *

_Saturday January 23, 2010_

_After practice, B caught up with me and confronted me again. She gave me a whole mushy speech about how she likes me and how we should share more "sweet lady kisses". It was like I wasn't in control of my own body anymore. I pushed her against the lockers and kissed her. For the first time in my life, someone stopped me from running away from my feelings. It was strange._

* * *

_Saturday January 31, 2010_

_Spent the night at B's house. We slept together. During, I felt whole, complete for the first time. Like I had been missing out on something all my life and I just now discovered it. _

_She's asleep now, and here I am still up, writing in my stupid journal. _

_I know this wasn't right, but why did it feel so good? I've never felt like that with Puck. _

_Why can't I just be normal?_

* * *

_Monday February 8, 2010_

_The Glee Club is really pushing Coach over the edge. Something about them getting funding that should belong to the Cheerios, even though everyone knows we have much more than we need. The Club actually looks like it would be fun, but it is full of losers. Well, except one, Finn Hudson joined, God only knows why. Quinn was just about as furious as Coach when she found out. I thought her pretty little head was going to explode. They're coming up with a plan on what to do about it. This should be interesting._

* * *

_Monday February 15, 2010_

_Today Q, Brittz, and I joined the Glee Club under Coach's orders. We're supposed to destroy them from the inside out. The girl who I always see getting slushied, Berry something or other, is pretty much the leader of the group. I start to feel not as sorry for her getting slushied when I had to sit and listen to her babble on and on the entire hour. Seriously, she never shuts the fuck up. And now that I have to sit in the same room as her, those animal sweaters are starting to annoy me. I feel like ripping them off her body and burning them._

_The singing is fun though._

* * *

_Thursday February 25, 2010_

_Coach's plan to get Dakota Stanley to rip apart the Glee Club backfired. Berry and her big nose just had to convince everyone to rally against him and fire him. I have to admit, it took guts. He may have been small, but he was pretty cut-throat. Quinn says we should stay in Glee Club anyway. She wants to stay and keep an eye on Finn because Berry has her eyes set on him. I could care less, but I actually like singing, and Brittz wants to stay too, so we will._

* * *

_Friday March 12, 2010_

_Doc has gone two months without bringing up what I said about New Years, so looks like she's given up on me with that. _

_In a way, I want to get everything off my chest because I'm so confused, but at the same time, it's embarrassing. What if she thinks it's gross? I can't deal with the judgment. I act as though I couldn't give a shit, but I'm really just as insecure as everyone else. _

_God, I can't believe I just wrote that._

* * *

_Tuesday April 6, 2010_

_I can't wait for summer. No school, not as many Cheerio practices, and more time with Britt. She's the only one that keeps me sane._

* * *

_Friday April 23, 2010_

_All of a sudden B wants me to define our relationship. I lied. Told her we're just friends with benefits. She didn't like that. By the end of the day she was with Stubbles McCripplepants. _

_Why couldn't she just be happy with what we had? _

_I went home and cried. Fucking cried. I never cry. I feel like such a whiny baby._

_This is why I don't talk about feelings. Because they fucking suck._

* * *

_Sunday May 9, 2010_

_I haven't talked to B since she started dating Wheelchair Boy. I'm still so mad. Mad at her and mad at myself. _

_She doesn't seem to understand that it hurts me to see them together, being all lovey fucking dovey. God damn Wheels and his smirky face and his bragging about how he got the hottest Cheerio. _

_Even Glee can't cheer me up now, especially not after we lost Regionals. I just want this year to be over with._

* * *

_Monday May 10, 2010_

_I overheard McCripplepants telling the guys that he and B had sex. _

_Is it really that wrong to want to punch a cripple?_

* * *

_Tuesday May 11, 2010_

_I'm lonely._

_Mami and Papi have been MIA for years thanks to their stupid jobs. Brittz is gone because of Wheels. Hell, I can't even keep Puck around. _

_Good God, is this what it's like for Rachel? No one wants you and all you want is one measly person to be there for you?_

_Never in my like would I thought I'd compare myself to Big Nose Berry._

* * *

Santana closed the journal then, having enough for now. Even though all the entries were very short, she'd actually learned at least a few things about herself, even if she didn't particularly want to know them. Nothing would have prepared her for the bombshell of her and Brittany getting together. I mean, they'd always been close, she really shouldn't be surprised. She'd had fleeting thoughts about Brittany for years, but had done her best to ignore it. Guess some things can't be ignored forever.


	8. Chapter 8

Santana sat in her circular chair with her journal in her hands, staring at the floor. This really was too much for her brain to handle. She'd lost her appetite and kind of felt a little sick. She only knew what she'd read in the journal, which was pretty much the bare minimum. She had been in therapy for anger issues. She'd lost her virginity to a guy she'd only been dating a few days. She's kissed and had sex with her best friend, then got her heart broken over it. And talked ill of Rachel more than once.

It was hard to determine which thing shocked Santana more. Saying she was confused, ashamed, and embarrassed at her past actions was an major understatement. How did she become that person? Though she could easily guess why she'd been placed in anger management, because the only thing she was ever angry about was her parents. There had been a time where they'd never missed anything in Santana's life. Where they were close and she felt unbelievably loved.

Tony took that with him to the grave, it seemed. Well, until now. Even though her Father had to go back to work, her Mother took time off to be with her. She's admit that it was nice to have her around again, but then again, her Mother was a bit smothering now. It was lucky that she'd even let her go back upstairs to eat her food instead of staying down there with her. But she does see that her daughter needs some time to adjust to things, seeing as how different they are compared to her last memory.

She wondered how much of what was in her journal that her parents knew Or her therapist. Santana had only read some passages from her Freshman Year of high school and that summer. There were three more years and a good amount of pages left. She wondered what other things she would find out about herself if she kept on reading. The curiosity was strong, but what if it just kept getting worse and worse? Her head hurt. This was all really too much. She wasn't equipped to handle this amount of stress.

Deciding to leave it alone for now, Santana hid the journal back under the cushion of the foot rest and got up, walking over to her window. Pushing the window opened, she sighed as she closed her eyes and sucked in some much needed fresh air. Doing that for a couple of minutes calmed her down and actually started to clear her mind, until her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. Taking it out she saw it was a text from Brittany, responding to her earlier question.

No surprise, her answer was very vague, and not even a real answer. She gave no rhyme or reason, so either she just didn't want to say why she hadn't told anybody that she wouldn't graduate, or there was no real reason at all other than being oblivious herself. Both could be very good possibilities, she never knew with Brittany. But all the years they've been friends, you'd think she would have confided in her though. Shaking her head, Santana, typed back a few word response.

A few minutes later, she got another one from the blonde, saying she'd be back later after her Mom made sure she'd done all of her summer school homework. Santana wasn't really sure whether she wanted company again, not just Britts. She needed some alone time to think. About the journal, her parents, and everything in between. Lying, she said that they couldn't hang out tonight because of family stuff. She hated lying to her best friend, but if she told her the truth, she'd take it the wrong way.

She didn't get a response to the last text she sent, so either Brittany was sad that she couldn't come over, or that she was busy again. Setting her phone down on her night stand, Santana sat on the edge of her bed. She was tired. Her head and body ached. It was barely into the afternoon and she was really to curl up in bed again and drift away. Dr. Holt had said that she would be tired for a while, if not forever, and that she should take every opportunity to rest after what she'd been through.

Propping her feet up, she pulled her polka dot socks off and let her toes breathe. Outside there was a loud rumbling that gained her attention. The garbage truck was pulling up to their neighbor's driveway across the street. The large, green truck stopped with an ear-piercing screech, making Santana cringe. That definitely wasn't going to held her head ache. As the man outside dumped the trash in the back, bringing the truck to life even more by picking it up and shaking the trash out, something happened.

The metal of the truck banged loudly, echoing through the neighborhood and Santana's mind. Suddenly her mind was back on the plane. Metal creaking, banging, and vibrating all around her as people and their belongings were being tossed in every direction. The Latina barely registered that she'd fallen to her knees, covered her hears with her hands, and was now screaming at the top of her lungs. The scene seemed to last forever, only stopping when she felt two arms wrap around her.

Maria had bolted up the stairs the second she'd heard her daughter start screaming. Her heart pounded in her chest, in time with her footsteps as she raced through her home. Bursting through the door, it took her a second to place Santana. She was was on the other side of her room, shaking on the floor by the window. Hurrying over to her, she could see that Santana seemed to be fine, other than her whaling with such fear and anguish, she hardly heard the sound coming through the window.

The garbage truck was outside and was sitting in front of their neighbors house, banging metal as it emptied a small trashcan. Clicking in her mind, Maria lunged at the window, closing it frantically, making the noise quieter and more muffled. She wasted no time then, falling on the floor next her her daughter and pulling her into a tight embrace. Caressing her back with one hand, she pet Santana's black hair with the other, all the while telling her that she was okay and that she was there.

As Santana's cries died down, Maria's shirt got damp with tears. Their bodies jolted with every sob that Santana let out, but Maria's hold on her never lessened. Eventually, her daughter grew quiet and let most of her weight fall onto her Mother. Maria didn't care as she started to rock them back and forth as she hummed Santana's favorite childhood lullaby. Neither knew how long they stayed like that for, but the sun was starting to set when Maria noticed that Santana had fallen asleep.

Roberto came home not long after. Maria waited until he came and found them, not wanting to wake Santana up. He gently picked her up off the floor and set her in the bed, where he covered her up with the blankets and turned all the lights off but the lamp of the nightstand. He waited until they were both back downstairs before asking what had happened. He was concerned for his daughter. When she told him that she was sure it was the noise from the garbage truck that set her off, he nodded.

"I was hoping something like this wouldn't happen, but Dr. Holt had talked to me privately about it before we left the hospital." Roberto sighed, sitting down on one of the stools at the counter.

"PTSD?" Maria asked.

"Yeah..."

She nodded, frowning. "What do we do?"

"There really is only one thing to do. We'll have to get her back in therapy."


End file.
